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Rufus T.Firefly
RUFUS TARAS FIREFLY (October 2, 1890 - August, 1977) Federal Chancellor of Freedonia Biography On October 2, 1890, Rufus Taras Firefly was born in Texing in Lower Freedonia - at that point of history, Freedonia was the primary cosigner of the Freedo-Moronikan Pact of 1867 and thus was one of the leaders of the patchwork nation known as the Freedo-Moronikan Empire - as the child of the single and deeply religious mother Josepha Firefly and an unknown father. Rufus' middle name, Taras, was only recently discovered in the Freedonian archive of birth records, thus his middle name is largely unkown to the public and Firefly is traditionally called Rufus T. Firefly. Firefly was educated at a Roman Catholic seminary before deciding to study Law at the University of Freedonia and then Economics at the University of Berlin. During his study, Firefly developed an unusual talent: while he was a rhetorically gifted man, he used this talent mainly to provoke and to insult others - often people in positions of authority. On July 23, 1914, the Archduke Franz Ferdinand was shot by an agent of the Black Hand, a radical Serbian nationalist movement. The assassination of the Freedonian heir led to the declaration of war between Freedo-Moronika and Serbia. which eventually triggered World War I. Upon hearing of the upcoming war, Rufus T. Firefly tried to enlist into the Freedo-Moronikan army but had considerable difficulty due to his short stature (approximatly 1.5 m) and his provoking attitude. Eventually he was accepted and sent to the Alpine Front. He was a highly decorated soldier and was briefly taken prisoner by the Italians as a POW in 1918. After the end of the war Firefly returned home - or at least to what remained of his home. Wracked by nationalism and the disastrous outcome of the war, the Freedo-Moronikan Empire was breaking apart, turning into quarreling nation states. With Freedonia reduced to a tiny nation, Firefly saw his chance to go into politics. He worked for the Agriculture ministry as secretary of the Farmers' Association and became director of the Lower Freedonian Chamber of Agriculture and as a member of the conservative Christian Social Party he met and befriended Maria Zita Teasdale. After the death of her husband in 1925, he was a wealthy but lonely woman who was somewhat fascinated by Firefly's unique behaviour. The interwar years were a harsh time for the struggling nation of Freedonia. Its entire economy, infrastructure and traffic network were designed for a huge empire that now had ceased to exist and valueable territories such as Rubovia, Grand Fenwick, Latveria and Ruritania were a great loss for the damaged nation. Without their industrial power the Freedonian economy collapsed - a development which started when the government printed tremendous amounts of new money in order to pay the reparations that were demanded by the Entente Powers. Obviously, this caused inflation to skyrocket, which led to increasing numbers of unemployment. In this times of economical chaos the Freedonian people sought refuge in political parties which led to radicalization of politics. The Freedonian main parties - the right wing Christian Socialists and the left wing Social Democrats - used propaganda and private armies to fight each other in the streets of all major Freedonian cities. The situation escalated after a clash between those groups in the German-speaking town of Schattendorf which triggered a series of events leading to massive protests, a fire at the Freedonian Palace of Justice and, eventually, the resignation of the three Presidents of the Parliament which nearly plunged Freedonia into anarchy. Desperately trying to restore order, the Freedonian authorities were forced to request much-needed financial assistance from Mrs. Teasedale. She agreed to provide the money, but seeing how terribly the politicians had failed she insisted to dissolve the defunct parliament and replace it with a dictatorship. As the new leader of Freedonia she appointed her old friend, and brother of previous President, Horace P.Firefly, Rufus T. Firefly. Firefly took up his post as the new President of Freedonia in March 1928. While Firefly was the head of the state, due to his careless, self-centered attitude the real power was his personal assistant, Bob Roland. During the rule of Firefly (or Roland) the Freedonian economy was somewhat stabilized while the tense political situation was eased by the oppression of the Social Democrats, Communists and the Nazi party. Meanwhile, Firefly merged his Christian Social Party, the Nationalist paramilitary Home Guard and other nationalist and conservative groups to form the Patriotic Front party. Modern day historians call Firefly's arbitrary, reckless and sometimes even dangerously ignorant style of absolute, fascistic rule without clear ties to any political parties, Freedofascism. Firefly's fascistic reputation was even increased by his admiration for the Italien dictator Benzino Napaloni. Firefly's rule disturbed plans of the neighboring nation of Syldavia which was attempting to use the financial crisis to take over the country as an act of revenge for Freedonia's privileged position during the time of the Freedo-Moronikan Empire. In order to push Freedonia back into chaos, King Muskar XII of Syldavia ordered his aide-de-camp, Colonel Boris Kizera Jorgen, and the Syldavian ambassador Louis Trentino to dig up dirt on Firefly. Italy also aided in this conspiracy. Italy sent its greatest intelligence operative, who has the wonderful attribute of acting like an idiot. He is accompanied by the most ruthless assassin in Europe, code name Pinky. Although Pinky also appeared to be an idiot and dressed like a mute clown he is in fact entirely without mercy. On one of his first jobs, he overlooked killing someone he should have, it cost him his tongue. He severed his ties with Krafthaus and became a freelance agent. The two men happened to be brothers, Pinky and Chicolini Marx. After failing to collect worthwhile information about Firefly, Chicolini and Pinky infiltrated the government and, by accident, Chicolini was appointed Secretary of War after Firefly met him on the street selling peanuts(in actuality, Firefly was able to charm them into switching sides with the positions). Suspecting Syldavia's questionable motives, Firefly tried to provoke Ambassador Trentino to hit him, thus having a valid excuse to force him to leave the country. But after a series of personal insults exchanged between Firefly and Trentino, the plan backfired as Firefly slapped Trentino instead. With the famous, melodramatic expression "This means war!", war was officially declared during the trial of Chicolini, who was arrested trying to steal Freedonia's war plans out of Mrs. Teasdale's possession. The Freedonian preparations for war went rather bad: most of the resources of the Ministry of War were spent on the hourly redecoration of the Freedonian base of operations and a great selection of different costumes for Firefly himself - including American Civil War outfits, a British palace guard uniform, a Boy Scout Scoutmaster's uniform, and even a coon-skin Davy Crockett cap. Furthermore, Firefly once more proofed his talent to confuse, offend and insult with propaganda slogans such as "Join the Army and see the Navy." (note that Freedonia has not a single mile of coastline until much later in its history) and his personal motto: "Remember, while you're out there risking life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in here thinking what a sucker you are."After a an anarchic battle and general mayhem, Trentino was caught by the Freedonians and pelted with fruits until he - and thus Syldavia - surrendered. Notably, Firefly proceeded to hurl fruits until he found a better target - Mrs. Teasdale, who reportedly was singing the Freedonian national anthem. But even with the war against Syldavia won, The end of Firefly's reign was near. Firefly was impeached for malfeasance of Public funds. (Public treasury apparently looted for fancy new cars and the company of a vivacious Spanish Dancer). The Freedonian Supreme Court sentenced Firefly to life imprisonment. He escaped aided by Ciccolini and Pinky. President Pro-tem Trentino charged them with high treason to be shot on sight. As it would turned out Trentino had been the one that had looted the treasury to pay off Napaloni to cover up his crime. Word in the underworld was that he had taken out a contract with Krafthaus to have the three exterminated. This necessitated the three fugitves to constantly move about and change their names. Although they are seemingly ineffectual bumblers they managed to elude the trained assassins of the Krafthaus. Unknown to Krafthaus they were also accompanied by Firefly's younger brother. Unknown to the group, the Freedonian Supreme Court rescinded imprisonment of Firefly and declares his legal record expunged of all wrong doing. (All the Justices) Firefly, Pinky and Ciccolini traveled to Florida where they had been operating a hotel called The Cocaonut under false names (The Cocoanuts) In 1929, Rufus T. Firefly posed as his cousin, noted explorer Captain Spaulding and managed to stop the theft of a artistic treasure. (Animal Crackers) While on a transatlantic cruise the incognitio Firefly and his three cohorts manage to get involve with dueling gangsters who confuse them with hitmen. (Monkey Business) In 1930, Using falsifed records, Firefly managed to get himself a job as the President of a small midwestern college. As Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff he promised to make the football team the championship team. He enlisted his cohorts Pinky and Ciccolini to sabotage the other football teams. Firefly's younger brother posed as his son and wooed the college widow. This gave him insight into the internal politics of the college which allows for the four men to solidfy their position and also work some extra curricular activitives that give them a bit more tuition. Frank Wagstaff's involvement with the college widow resulted in an offspring. A descendent of this union was Simon Wagstaff of Venus of the Half Shell ''fame. ''(Horse Feathers) Their activities are eventually discovered when a picture of the group appeared in TIME Magazine in 1932 and the foursome was forced to flee once more. In 1933,' '''Firefly and his associates become entertainment brokers and end up in the midst of star crossed lovers in the Opera. They are however spotted by high society types from their previous occupation and were forced to flee once again. ''(A Night at the Opera)' They take up residence in Florida where Firefly using the name of Hackenbush becomes the head of a Sanitarium while Pinky and Ciccolini become involved in the racing track business. Firefly (Hackenbush) was eventually exposed as a fraud and had to flee once more. This was a result of Firefly fabricating a Medical License, but he had instead used a fabricated vetrinarian's license by mistake. (A Day at the Races) In 1934, Firefly and his crew went west to seek their fortune. After becoming involved in railroad water rights and land deals they manage to gain control of a gold mine. (Go West). ''They returned to Freedonia to discover that the ongoing economic depression had found Trentino out of favor. Firefly managed to bribe Trentio into rescinding his death sentence. With his newfound wealth, Rufus T. Firefly paid off Freedonian National debt with what he called " a little bit of pin money". A grateful nation elected him to the Office of President once more. Not happy to have Firefly back, The Syldavian Colonel Boris Jorgen struck an alliance with Adenoid Hynkel's Third Reich and on July 25, 1934, a group of German assassins attempted to assassinate Firefly, who was saved by Chicolini and Pinky, the group fleeing the country once more. Thanks to the intervention of Italian military, Freedonia managed to resist both Germany and Syldavia and remain its independence until the outbreak of World War II. As part of its Balkan campaign, Italy invaded Sylvania and Freedonia. Trentino welcomed the Italian forces. As head of the Greater Sylvanian Worker's Party Sylvanian became the titular head of the Sylvanian Republic. Rufus T. Firefly, however fled to Sylvania and under disguise was appointed head of the Sylvanian Armed forces and sent with the Italian forces on the Eithiopian front. In 1937, Rufus T. Firefly, disappeared while "aiding" the Italian forces in Eithiopia. He was accompanied by his two friends. In 1939, Rufus T. Firefly and his two friends became convinced that a young man that they met at a bar was the next George S. Kaufman and spent all their time and money to make his play a success. They were forced to use several schemes to dodge the dedicated manager of the hotel where they are residing. ''(Room Service )''They either realized that the play was going to be a flop and skipped town leaving behind their bill or they realized that Krafthaus assassins were closing in on them. In 1940,' They took refuge in a circus. Firefly claimed to be a lawyer named Loophole who can help the Circus out some serious problems for a fee. (At the Circus) In 1942, After being exposed as a false Lawyer, Firefly and his cronies fled to Los Angeles where established himself as a Private Detective named Wolf J. Flywheel. Under this guise they actually achieved a few years of stablility, most of the legitimate detectives off fighting the war. In one of their famous cases the boy's become involved in bodyguarding the owner of a department store which is about to be sold ''(The Big Store) In 1944,' '''After many reverses and near exposure Flywheel and his cohorts disappeared. In 1946,' 'A man named Ronald Kornblower, who may have been a disguised, older, poorer Rufus T. Firefly became manager of a hotel in Casablanca. He and his two associates discovered a cache of Nazi loot. Ciccolini and Pinky also ended up in Casablanca under the names of Rusty and Corbaccio. ''(A Night in Casablanca) In 1947, Rufus T. Firefly and his two friends decided to move to America and stay there once and for all. Having the most success in this guise, Firefly once again adopts the identity of a private eye, this time calling himself Sam Grunion, however he would settle into the guise of a man named Groucho Marx, claiming to be a blood relative of his two companions. He passed away in 1977, at Age 86. Today, Rufus T. Firefly is a well-known character. While he was by far no powerful, wise or especially successfull ruler, today he is remembered as one of the most coulorful leaders in history, widely reknown for his awkward characteristics, his wacky humor, his rethorical skill he used to insult and to offend, his characteristic cigar, the well-known "Mirror Incident" and his role during one of the weirdest wars in human history. Quotes Chicolini: "Pinky there is no time to eat peanuts, we must fulfil our mission" Throws Pinky´s peanuts to the floor Diplomat: "AH!" *trips and falls into the road, a car crashing sound is heard* Napolini: "What just happened here?!" Chicolini: "It was Pinky!" Chicolini and Pinky point at each other Napolini: "Ah, congratulations agents, specially you Pinky, this is why you are the world´s top and most merciless assasin" Pinky: *Smiling proudly*